'Someday Melissa'

Someday...

I’ll eat breakfast.

I’ll keep a job for more than 3 weeks.

I’ll have a boyfriend for more than 10 days.

I’ll love someone.

I’ll travel wherever I want.

I’ll make my family proud.

I’ll make a movie that will change lives.

Before you read any further I ask that you please go back and read the above, seemingly simple, sentences again. I ask that you read the words aloud. I also strongly advise you do so with your eyes closed as you repeat each sentence.

Try your best to hear the words you are speaking coming from the voice of a child rather than your own voice. The voice may be your own from a younger age, the sound of your son or daughter's voice, or perhaps someone you know and you care for. The age of the child is not important, the voice may be that of a six, ten, twelve, nineteen or 35-year-old.

Maybe one of the above statements will resonate with you, evoke an adolescent fear or remind you of a childhood dream. Perhaps these are things your own child wishes for, or you longed for as a child.

Those words were written by Melissa Avrin in August, 2008. Less than a year later on May 6, 2009, Melissa lost a battle with bulimia. Melissa was only nineteen years old when she passed away, an age when most young women are exerting their independence for the first time, finding their footing on college campuses and taking the steps to turn their childhood dreams into reality.

Bulimia had already taken so much from Melissa, but nine short months before this insidious disease took her life, Melissa sat quietly and wrote about her future. She wrote in a place only known to her - in her room, in the backyard, somewhere, anywhere - she wrote about genuine hopes and realistic goals but in her words and all the determination and faith she had for the future, she subtly (in my humble, tearful opinion) for the first time may have been trying to convey a message deeper than even I want to admit.

I would like to emphasize again these words were written nine “short months” prior to Melissa’s death. We all know that time passes in the blink of an eye, but it is important to recognize that this young woman had not given up hope for a future even while battling bulimia since the age of fourteen.

Despite the physical and emotional toll of a disease like bulimia, Melissa had hope for a future - she wanted to change lives.

Eight brief, yet powerful, beautiful, and sad sentences captured the depth of a young woman’s hopes, fears, insecurities and dreams. Eight short lines told more than this young woman could verbally articulate to those around her, and those eight sentences are changing lives.

Melissa's mother, Judy Avrin discovered her daughter's journal during the throes of unimaginable grief, but she made a commitment to make Melissa’s dream come true.

During the last three years Judy has not only worked tirelessly on her daughter’s dream of making a movie that will change lives - a documentary film based on Melissa’s journal entries - but she has been advocating, educating and supporting sufferers and loved ones in the battle against eating disorders.

Judy speaks with unequivocal honesty, which is to be admired, about her own personal history with an eating disorder, and the denial she felt when a gastroenterologist told her in May 2004 that Melissa had an eating disorder: “I told him he was wrong…. I thought not my child…no, couldn’t be…not her.”

If life was fair and just, Melissa’s journal entry would have been very different. She would have been writing with confidence, knowing her family was proud of her. She would not struggle to eat breakfast. She would not worry about the simple pleasures in life so many of us take for granted - food, love, relationships and simply living in our skin. Eating disorders are not just about food, they literally rip a person’s life to shreds.

If life was fair and just Melissa’s mother would not have lost her only daughter, discovering her daughter’s hopes, fears and dreams the way in which she did.

I began a last spring because I was literally shaken to my core after hearing comments from young children in my son's school cafeteria. I watched children throw away entire trays of lunch while comparing their clothes sizes. These children were in the second, third and fourth grade at the time.

I began the series in the hopes of unveiling the shroud of secrecy, educating parents, teachers, and the community at large, but more than anything I wanted to open the dialogue between anyone and everyone who would listen and speak.

However, there is something about that first piece I didn’t share with my readers, something very few, if any, realize.

The default picture I chose for the first piece in the series, was of Melissa and Judy Avrin. At the time of publication I had never spoken to Judy, I never knew Melissa. I was however aware of Judy’s work and of Melissa’s story. But then while talking through email and playing voicemail “tag,” Melissa's mother Judy was more than willing to collaborate the most important piece of the series - she was going to tell me the story of a mother losing her daughter to an eating disorder.

I thought I was ready, I had the story half written but whenever Judy said, “I’ll call you tomorrow at ___ time,” a part of me panicked (I didn’t realize this until writing this piece months later). I didn’t avoid Judy’s calls, I eagerly awaited speaking to her - but this is the irony of life. We all know circumstances arise, and every time Judy and I were supposed to speak on the phone something came up. It was not until writing this piece (over the course of three days) and reconnecting with Judy through email again that I realized the emotional significance of our connection.

I realized what my mother might have potentially gone through years ago if I didn’t “break up” with my friends Slim Fast and Diet Coke, or what I would lose if god forbid Joey developed anorexia or bulimia (and please don’t be ignorant, boys are at just as much risk for developing an eating disorder as girls). I felt like I was going to crumble. My apologies Judy, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work, your dedication and your friendship. You and Melissa are changing lives, opening eyes and most importantly getting people to talk.

The piece about Melissa and Judy remained in my "Patch-to-do" box all these months, and as I always say, “everything happens for a reason.”

While I was driving around this weekend thinking about what to write this week, I came back to the piece on Judy and Melissa.

I remembered Melissa’s movie, Someday Melissa, was finally released (I am waiting for my DVD to arrive in the mail).

Judy told me she is excited, and she sounds happy. She has received feedback and orders from around the world: “Germany, England, Mexico and more… Melissa’s story is helping inspire others.”

I also realized this is the beginning of "End Fat Talk Week," a campaign developed by Tri Delta in collaboration with The Center for Living and Learning, Reflections Body Image Program and the Academy for Eating Disorders. End Fat Talk Week started on college campuses in an effort to promote positive body image by removing the word “fat,” but has spread beyond college campuses - to businesses, high schools, grammar schools, local reading groups, and Facebook.

This is nothing short of impeccable, surely unplanned, beautiful timing.

According to Reflections Body Image Network, over 10 million people (70 million worldwide) in the United States are struggling with eating disorders, greater than the amount of women suffering from breast cancer. Children as young as five years old are being admitted to inpatient eating disorder programs with the diagnosis of anorexia and bulimia, and 81 percent of ten-year-olds are terrified of becoming fat. It is time we talk about this terrible epidemic that is killing our children and ripping apart families. It is time we listen to Melissa and Judy’s story and accept the truth, their story could in fact be our own.

I urge you to please visit:

www.somedaymelissa.com to read more about Melissa’s beautiful life and Judy’s extraordinary work

http://endfattalk.org/ and take the pledge to end fat talk, at least try for this week-if not for yourself then in an effort to teach our young children positive body image, it just might save a life.

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