Strike one: "John Carter." Strike two: "Battleship." "And Taylor Kitsch digs his feet in at the plate, down 0-2, with only 'Savages' to save his big screen career... here's the pitch... he's alive, he's alive! He just hit a gap shot to right-center field! He should be allowed to make at least one more major motion picture!" Boy, that was a close one. Taylor Kitsch has had a rough year, but "Savages" is a good enough film to keep him in the game for the foreseeable future. I've been rooting for this guy ever since "John Carter" started getting bad publicity, even before it hit the theatres. …

Many women have been bombarding me with the question, "Hey Matty, when are you going to review 'Magic Mike?'" Well ladies, your wish is my command. I can sum it up for you in one word... gross. Okay, I'm sorry about that. I'll be more professional about this. Friday night I made it out to the theatre with full expectations of seeing the Mark Wahlberg vehicle, "Ted." But with that film being sold out, and my adoring fans begging me to see "Magic Mike," I said to myself, "What the hell, why not? Hundreds of women can't be wrong." Well, you know what? Yes they can. Have you ever seen the movie "…

We go to the theatre for entertainment, for relaxation, for hot date nights, and to escape reality for a couple of hours. We go to the theatre for "fun." Am I right? Of course I'm right! I'm always right. So imagine the expression on my face when I saw "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" this weekend. I was in shock because I was learning about our country's history! I never planned to go to the movies to learn! Learning is for nerds! From what I already knew about our 16th president, there were some major pieces of his life that the history books skipped over. Important parts of his life too. …

Adam Sandler has become a polarizing figure when it comes to making films. It seems to me that you either love his films or you totally hate them. There's no middle. Whatever happened to the, "Eh, it was alright," movie? It seems to have gone by the wayside with Sandler films. Let's take "the good" for instance. He's been the star of movies like "Anger Management," "Mr. Deeds," "Happy Gilmore," and of course, "Billy Madison." All great and fun films... well, at least they were to me. Now, you have "the bad." "Bulletproof," "You Don't Mess With The Zohan," and "The Longest Yard" were all …

Do you like science-fiction? I like science-fiction. I like science-fiction a lot. And there's nothing better than a science-fiction film that really makes you think. I hope you like science-fiction. And I hope you like to think, because I've got the movie for you: "Prometheus." Have you heard of it? Well, it's been marketed out the wazoo over the past three months, and it soared into theatres this past weekend. And it's DEFINITELY worth seeing. It's directed by the critically acclaimed director, Ridley Scott (Gladiator, Thelma & Louise, Black Hawk Down). But what may have put Scott on the …

Well, here we are. The unofficial summer movie season is upon us. Usually it would start up on Memorial Day weekend, but movie studios want to be the first ones out of the gate, so they jump the gun and release their big blockbusters early. Look at "The Avengers." Disney/Marvel released that film on May 4, three weeks before Memorial Day. That didn't really matter though, because that film is so good, they could've released it during the blizzard of '78 and people would've shovelled their way to the theatre just to see it. Maybe the movie studio that made "Battleship" wanted to get a head …

This review, (or whatever it is) was written the weekend of April 27... and finally touched up today. Sorry to my loyal and dedicated readers for any inconvenience. I love you all. This past week has been a weak week for strong movies. But it has been a seemingly strong week for weak movies. With films like "The Raven" coming out, there really was no urge for me to rush out the theatre. Honestly, did you have a hankering to run out and see "The Five Year Engagement"? Nah, me neither.  But once again, being the professional that I am, I did go see a movie. And I'll review that movie for you in…

I have seen the best movie of the year... so far. And it's going to be really tough to knock this one off the top step. That's right, "The Avengers" is fantastic. And barring an incredible film sneaking up from out of nowhere and punching me in the face (like last year's sneak-attack film "The Artist"), this movie will end up staying perched upon its pedestal, high above any other film. Alright, sometimes I type without thinking. I know there will be other great films out there this year, (especially "The Dark Knight Rises") but in the heat of the review, I usually get emotional about the …

The "Three Stooges" hit theatres this past weekend, and it had itself a mighty impressive showing. Moe, Larry and Curly raked in some 17 million dollars, which was good enough for second place, losing out to the juggernaut known as "The Hunger Games." Not too bad for three ding-a-lings hitting themselves over the head with hammers for an hour and a half. But I'm a professional movie reviewer and I need to let you know if this film was good. I've got to tell you if this film is family-friendly. And you've got to know if this film is anything like the old TV show from way back when. Let's get …

I'M BACK! What? You didn't even know I was gone? Seriously, I've been gone for over two weeks! Didn't anyone tell you that I was going on a business trip to the West Coast to gather information about the entertainment industry? No? Someone HAD to tell you that I was learning the ins and outs and all the secrets of Universal Studios! No? Are you kidding me?! No one told you that I had front row seats to the "Jimmy Kimmel Show," personally given to me by one of Norwood's most famous AND coolest cats to ever swim out of Fr. Mac's pool? That's right, Dickie Barrett, lead singer of the Mighty …

What do "The Brady Bunch," "Mission: Impossible," "The A-Team," "The Dukes of Hazzard," and "The Incredible Hulk" all have in common? They are all TV shows that were made into feature films. This is nothing new in the film industry. If it works on television, why not try it out on the big screen? They've been doing this for years. It was a long time ago when "The Addam's Family" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" were on television, but that didn't stop some movie company from scooping up the rights to those shows and making feature films out of them. Hell, "Beavis and Butthead" and "Jackass" were…

A few months ago I received a private screening of the documentary film, "Brooklyn Castle." Unfortunately, I had to wait to run my review of the movie until it premiered at the "South by SouthWest" film festival in Austin, Texas. Well, it premiered there this past week... and it opened to rave reviews. In fact, when the movie ended, it got a huge standing ovation from the crowd, and it picked up the "Audience Award," which is voted on by the people. Yup, people, just like you and me! Also, Sony Pictures bought the rights to the remake of the film, and Scott Rudin (of "There Will Be Blood," "…

Science fiction... this is right in my wheelhouse. Hell, my nearest and dearest friends call me the "Sci-Fi Guy!" So when I heard about a movie being made by Disney, about a man who travels to Mars to save the planet from a global civil war, well let me tell you, I was as giddy as a school girl. Everybody has different tastes in movies. We all have a genre of film that we are drawn to. My brother, the X-Man, (he's a minor league movie reviewer) well, he's always loved horror films. So we nicknamed him "Horror Guy." And Billy D.? Well, he's called "Comedy Guy." You know why? Because his …

It's movie review time, so let's get right to it. "Project X." There are many movies out there in the celluloid stratosphere that suck. There are also many movies out there that are ground breaking originals. You have your masterpieces. You have your F/X littered extravaganzas. There are beautiful period pieces, and timeless fairy tales. You have something for everyone, and everyone loves something. So where do I put "Project X?" I don't know. I put it in limbo. A movie Purgatory, if you will. It should belong somewhere... but I just don't know where. As I walked out of the theatre some 72 …

The Oscars are over. And what a great night it was. I was pretty darn close on my predictions, and I looked absolutely stunning in my 'off the shoulder' Vera Wang rip-away tuxedo and my Jimmy Choo shoes... OK, you caught me in a lie, I wore pajamas. They were very nice though, they had "Transformers" prints all over them. Now, this is what Matty W. Kelley, a boy, talks about. Childish stuff. Movies and robots are the immature thoughts that flow through my tiny, little, pea-sized brain. This is because I like to think that life is simple. But life isn't simple. Not for everyone. There are men …

Welcome back to part three of of my three-part series on Oscar! Not familiar with Oscar? Well, I'm NOT talking about 1995's "fighter of the year" Oscar De La Hoya. I'm NOT talking about Sesame Street's trash can slumdog, Oscar "The Grouch." And I'm NOT talking about the famous fashion designer Oscar De La Renta (although, he may be who I'm wearing tonight). I am, of course, talking about the Academy Awards very own Oscar, the little golden statuette. It's here folks, so put on your Sunday best and let's watch people talk about my favorite subject, movies. But before we watch them, let me have…

T-minus four days until OSCAR TIME! You know what? I don't even know what that sentence really means... I mean, what the hell does the 'T' stand for? Let's start again with a different approach. Hey, guess what everyone? The Academy Awards will be on television in just four nights! Yeah, that sounds a lot better... and it just makes sense. Let's get to it. A couple days ago I wrote an article about the Oscars that dealt with the awards primarily focusing on the women (Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress.) Now, we don't want to discriminate against any gender, so let's talk about the men…

And... ACTION! Here we are! My favorite week of the year! Oscar week! It's such a busy week for me. I've got so much to do. I've got to get my hair done. I must get a mani-pedi. I have to work the red carpet, and meet-n-greet with the actors and actresses. And most importantly, I HAVE to get a dress. I don't want to look all befuddled out there on the biggest night of the year for both myself AND the entertainers. The BIG question: WHO will I be wearing? Will I be wearing Chanel? Maybe Vercase or Marc Jacobs? Or should I just stick with old reliable and go with Alexander McQueen? All I know …

Reese Witherspoon has a new movie out this weekend. Which usually means "romantic comedy." Which also usually means "chick flick." Which also means this movie could be terrible. Lately, whenever I think of romantic comedies, the first movie that pops into my head is "New Years Eve." And that movie was so bad, it almost turned me off from movies altogether. I mean, it's been two months, one week, and one day since it was released, and I can still taste the vomit in my mouth. I'm not lying, that movie almost killed me. But, fortunately for me (and for you) I am not reviewing "New Years Eve" …

What would you do with superpowers? There's a question that has most likely floated around in our brains once or twice in our lifetimes. Me? Well, I'd like to think that I'd protect the weak from the tyranny. I would fight for the good over evil. And if I saw a crime being committed, I would jump into action and right the wrongs via my skull-thumping super-fists of fury. That's what I'd like to think I'd do.... But in reality, I'd do a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I'd do all that stuff too, but some of that stuff would be put on the back burner while I tended to the finer things in life. If …