Matty's Movies: 'The Sessions'

Do you remember your first time? You know what I'm talking about, the first time you had sex? Of course you do. It's a major part of growing up. I remember my first time. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all graphic on you. I'm not going to make this an R-rated movie review. But I will tell you that it was the summer going into my senior year, and it was the best 15 seconds of my life. (Well, up until that that point anyway.) Now don't go trying to guess who she was. All I'll tell you is she was a beautiful young lady, and she was from the Niagra Falls area.

It's a big "to do" for young boys growing up. When you hit puberty, your hormones start going haywire and all you have is sex on the brain. I was a late bloomer. Up until 14 or 15 I had no clue about the birds and the bees. (Hell, I believed in Santa until the eighth grade!) Growing up in my family, nobody sat me down and told me what was up and where certain things were supposed to go. Nobody told me how babies were made. I learned that the old fashioned way, from the nudie magazines I found at the swamp, from the streets, and from sharing information gathered by myself and my friends. (Mostly incorrect information.) Honestly, I don't know if any of my friends were ever sat down by their parents and told about sex either. It was a different time back then.

All I knew was it was supposed to be great. I needed to know if the hype was all it was cracked up to be. Not to get too into it, my girl friend (but not girlfriend) and I got to fooling around and eventually things just started falling into place (quite awkwardly mind you.) I was fumbling around like a chicken with his head cut off. I was a nervous wreck, but it didn't matter, we were having sex and I was just thrilled. You know what? She may have been thrilled too, I'm not quite sure. But why wouldn't she be? She was a beautiful young lady and she was deflowering the Irish Assassin! How could one not be thrilled? Hell, I was a darn good looking young man back in the day, long before the 17 broken noses and a body like the Pilsbury Doughboy. Either way, I had a magical time. I went to work the next day with a smile from ear to ear. I felt like Jack Dawson on the hull of the Titanic, screaming "I'm the king of the world!" That day brought me a couple things. It brought me into manhood, and it brought me some relief. There was some pressure being a virgin when all your younger friends weren't... like I said, I was a late bloomer.

(Note: "Irish Assassin" is just one of my many nicknames.)

A year or so later I found true love, and realized what actual "love" was. It was so much more wonderful than just sex. You could be yourself with your girl and not have any worries.... Unfortunately, not too long after that I found alcohol, and drinking massive amounts of it can trump "true love."

Now, you may be wondering why in the world am I telling you about the night I lost my virginity. Well first, I'm an open book and this is MY blog, and secondly, I'm connecting the dots of my life to the movie I'm about to review. (It's what I do.) It's called a segway.

Which brings us to the film "The Sessions."

"The Sessions" is a magnificent film about sex... and about love. It tells the true story of a 38-year-old man stricken with polio who wants to lose his virginity. John Hawkes plays Mark O'Brien, a man who is confined to an iron lung for most of the day. An iron lung is a giant metal submarine-like tube the keeps Mark breathing. He can be out of it for up to fours at a time, but other than that he is stuck in that machine.

Mark is a religious man and his best friend happens to be his priest. His name is Father Brendan. William H. Macy plays Father Brendan. His kindness and beautiful sense of humor illuminate the screen. I think this is Macy's best role since "Fargo" (and "Pleasantville") and it's WAY better than his role as Paul Kirby in "Jurassic Park 3."

These two share some great conversations when Mark asks Father Brendan if it would be a sin to be with a woman, in the biblical sense, outside of marriage. The Father thinks about it for a minute and tells Mark to "go for it" and God should give him a pass on this one.

Mark does go for it. He hires a sex surrogate named Cheryl. Cheryl is played by the lovely Helen Hunt. Cheryl is a married woman with a son, but this is her job and her job is to have sex with people with physical issues. SHE IS NOT A PROSTITUTE!

Mark got polio when he was six years old. It doesn't completely paralyze him, but basically, it does. His muscles just won't work the way ours do. He feels sensation all over his body, which is good. Cheryl has to teach Mark how to control himself and to learn how to enjoy what she is teaching him. Mark is a nervous wreck. (And why wouldn't he be?) I will say this, Mark is in good hands with Cheryl. The way Cheryl was teaching him was so nice and kind and good, I wish I had her as a sex surrogate.

The story takes a twist. Love enters the relationship. Mark is such a good guy, you want him to find love. He has loved a woman before but, well, things happen. This is why the film is so wonderful. It isn't just about a man dealing in the "flesh trade," there is actually a beautiful, happy, sad, and undoubtedly moving story about love here too.

If you're a movie fanatic who is looking forward to the awards season, then I strongly suggest you get out and see this film. There are an abundance of Oscar caliber performances in this movie. William H. Macy should get a nomination for 'Best Supporting Actor' for his role. You completely fall in love with his character. His kindness is Christ-like, and it jumps off the screen and makes you feel good.

Helen Hunt should garner a 'Best Actress' nomination just for the sheer fact that she can truly act when COMPLETELY naked! I'm talking full-frontal nudity here! And for an older lady, she looks dynamite. Plus, I know how hard it is to act when you're totally nude. Last year, I did nude male modelling photo shoot, and I'm not kidding you, I could not stop laughing. I was supposed to look sexy, but I looked like a hyena. Sadly, I have not talked to the photoghapher since then. It was SO WEIRD. We both felt shame.

And finally, John Hawkes. This man is having a killer month. He's in the epic "Lincoln," in which I wrote in my review that he was a standout amongst many, MANY other actors. And now this. Playing a man with polio must be incredibly tough, but to have me convinced that you really have it? Way to go. Bravo my friend... also, he was nominated in 2011 for the film "Winter's Bone." (Which ironically, this movie could've also been called.)

In the directorial department, Ben Lewin could be up for an award. He also wrote the screenplay, so, this film could rake at the big awards shows. (All 900 of them.)

Sure, this film is different. You may feel uncomfortable watching a polio riddled man and a totally stunning, naked lady having sex, but hey, didn't you feel uncomfortable the first time you were naked in front of your lover, getting ready to do the deed? That's what makes this film so great. You can feel the insecurities of your first time coming through in Mark O'Brien's "first time." I watched this film and was enthralled. It felt like I was having sex for the first time again! And you know what was great too? During his "sessions" I got so lost in the story of Mark's triumph of losing his virginity that honestly, I kind of forgot he had polio. I know this will sound odd when you read it, but I related to him in the same way I related to Jason Biggs in the movie "American Pie." We may think we're "Adonis" in the sheets, but in actuality, we're just naive human beings trying to pretend we're good at something... I mean, COME ON! Do you see some of the faces we make when we're making love? (We as humans that is, not us specifically.)

I could go on forever talking about the fine art of love-making, but after 42 years on this planet, I still have no clue of what I am doing when it comes to this. But I don't care because practice makes perfect, and I'll practice as much as I can, providing I'm with the right lady. (And she tells me I'm awesome.)

So, do you want to see something different this week at the theatre? Something that will run the gamut of your emotions and at the same time bring you back to your "first time"? Have an open mind and go see "The Sessions." It's a fantastic film.

Matty W. Kelley, (not a virgin) Norwood Patch, reporting. 

Fun Fact: When I purchased my ticket the theatre, I asked the ticket lady if she had already seen this film. She said she had and she loved it.... Jokingly, I asked her if it was anything like "The Terminator." She paused, gave me an odd stare and said, "Um, no." Well, (and I didn't know this going in) Moon Bloodgood was in this film, AND she was the female star of "Terminator: Salvation"! So I walked out after the movie and told her this. We were laughing and laughing and laughing! I asked her out.

Fun Matty Fact: She said "No."

Don't forget to google "A Seat Apart: REEL Reviews" for some hilarious movie reviews.