'J. Edgar' Snoozer

This movie should have been called just "Hoover"... because it sucked.

It's Friday night and "Twilight: Breaking Dawn" has just hit the theatres. Tweenie-boppers are everywhere at the cineplex, all hopped up and fired up to catch their first glimpse of Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward Cullen (aka "pale vampire"), and that other guy in the movie who plays Jacob (aka "shirtless werewolf"). But not me, I'm way too mature for that. I'm off to see a grown up film. I'm seeing "J. Edgar."

"J. Edgar" is the story of the man who invented the F.B.I. It also tells the story of his personal life and the secrets he kept to himself, about himself, and about others.

Taking on the role of J. Edgar Hoover is Leonardo DiCaprio, one of Hollywood's finest treasures, both on the eyes and in his acting ability. I'm not kidding, if he wasn't in this film, it may have gone straight to video.

Clint Eastwood directs this sleeper, but even he couldn't make this "J. Edgar" guy interesting. Clint has directed some fantastic films over the years. Just recently he directed "Invictus," "Gran Torino," "Flags of our Fathers," and "Mystic River." And that's just four movies off the top of my head! He's directed over 30 great films! And this isn't one of them.

From what I thought I knew of J. Edgar, he was a bad-ass, power-hungry, cross-dressing maniac. But this movie really didn't show me any of that. I mean, when I put on a dress, I jump around all giddy and laughing, and bouncing and frolicking in the fields, but when Hoover does it, he's all depressed! Maybe it's just me, but I wanted the "happy" cross-dressing Hoover.

Also, they portrayed J. Edgar as a liar... Well, maybe not a liar, but a guy who took the credit for arrests that he didn't actually make. He seemed to want to be the big, tough guy, but in real life he wasn't.

One of my big hang-ups was when they hit on the Lindberg baby kidnapping. Now I never really knew much about this, but I now know less, if that's possible. WHO TOOK THE KID? JUST GIVE ME THE ANSWER AND WE'LL MOVE ON!

Sorry about that, sometimes I get a little animated while I type at my computer.

One interesting part of the movie was when I figured out who played Hoover's boyfriend. It was Armie Hammer. He was the guy who played the Winklevoss twins in the Facebook movie, "The Social Network."

Yup, that was the most interesting part of the movie for me.

I really don't have much more to say about this movie, except I'm kind of tired because I ran right home to write this review as quickly as possible and get it the hell out of my head forever.

What I will say, though, is just remember, this is just my opinion of this movie, and who says I'm right? For all I know, this may be up for Best Picture come Oscar time... As a matter of fact, I guarantee it!

I just like telling you all about the movies I see, and no matter what, go see a movie, its jolly-good entertainment, and someone put a lot of hard work into making 'em.

Love always,

Matty W. Kelley, Norwood Patch, reporting.

P.S. Fun fact: The executive producer for the movie "Immortals" is Tommy Turtle. For real! Isn't that an AWESOME name?




Tony D November 20, 2011 at 03:35 PM
Thanks for saving me 9 bucks!
Colleen Reynolds November 20, 2011 at 04:00 PM
Perhaps, my most favorite review to date...
Matty W. Kelley November 20, 2011 at 04:38 PM
i'm just so happy people are reading my reviews! thank you!
Matty W. Kelley November 20, 2011 at 04:39 PM
go see "immortals" Tony D... its worth the 9 bucks.
Matty W. Kelley November 20, 2011 at 04:41 PM
thank you darling... it was easy to write... it just flowed out of my fingertips.


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